yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
