you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
