This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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