Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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