The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
