If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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