so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
