Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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