textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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