batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
