I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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