call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
