I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
