I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
