the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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