I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
