I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need moral support for this bender
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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