i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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