Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize