Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
