I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
