I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
