I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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