Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
