Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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