I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize