her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
