Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
