Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He better not be in your backpack
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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