So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize