I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
