If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
