you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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