Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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