Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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