Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
