so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
