i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
