Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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