Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
