Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
