He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
