I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
