So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
