she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
