How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize