I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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