Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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