i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
