I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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