He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
