That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
