you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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