Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
