I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
