Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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