Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
