So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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