Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
