My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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