Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
