drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
