Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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