im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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