if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
