Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
