brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
