Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
