Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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