Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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