Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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