Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
