The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
