If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
