I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Small penises have feelings too.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
