Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
