once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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