i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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