Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
