Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She is in my trunk
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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