My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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