I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
