Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
