I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
