She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize