omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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