apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
